Resurfacing with a Rant

Howdy.

It’s been a long time.  I’m a horribly delinquent blogger who should probably just call it quits, but every so often a day like today comes around and it’s nice to have this little corner of the interwebs on which to vent.

Teaching is great…most of the time.  Of course there are always hassles, time crunches, difficult students, lectures I’d rather not give..and grading. Always the grading.  Lately, though, every time I find myself overly stressed and getting tired of it all, a student comes to office hours and by the end, finally gets it.  That’s rewarding and even just a 5-minute conversation that ends like that is enough to pump me back up to get through until the next time it happens.

There are good moments in class, when a group of 10 students (9 really, when one serves as the subject) comes together to successfully run a complicated lab on their own or I finish grading a stack of papers to find that the average is quite a bit higher than it was on the last assignment.  Finally, they listened….

And then there are days like today.  They come often, frequently back-to-back, and they make me want to throw my computer across the room.

Today I received an email that is just like several others I’ve received this semester – just switch out some variable names and it’s the same thing.

“[Instructor], perhaps I should be grateful it didn’t just say HEY

I’m working on my lab report and made a table with [variable 1], [variable 2], [variable 3], and [variable 4].

Is there anything else I need?

Also, [variable 5] isn’t on our printout.

[Student]“

Oh, Student.  Yes, there are many other things you need and if you read your assignment you’ll see they’re laid out for you, right there in black ink on white paper.  I know – magic.   You’re also correct that [variable 5] isn’t on your printout.  If you’d been listening in lecture rather than exploring facebook (and yes, I did notice), you would know how to calculate [variable 5].  Unfortunately, since you’ve sent me virtually this exact email every week since the beginning of September, I’m running out of polite ways to tell you to pay attention and take notes.  Any suggestions?

Oh yes, and one other thing.  I know that the other female lab instructor and I are essentially the same person.  Our first names begin with the same letter, we’re both tall…..however she’s blonde and quite loud while I’m neither of those things.  I suggest that you send emails regarding your homework assignments to me, rather than to her.  It must be quite embarrassing for you when I reply to your email….which she had to forward to me.  I’ll be sure to leave her comments in there so you can see your mistake….AGAIN.

Dear Running,

I know I’ve been unfaithful lately. It’s not that I don’t love you, it’s that School Work has been so high maintenance! Fatigue has been hanging around too much, too…School Work probably put her up to it.

And now, it seems our relationship is strained yet again today. I tried to go out with you this morning but my head just would. not. stop. pounding. and I couldn’t take feeling like my head would explode every step I took. So we set a rain check for this afternoon. And then when I got home, I quickly changed, grabbed the dog, and headed out. We were getting along so well and then…I don’t know, the dog got pissed or something. Did you say something to her? Give her a hard time? Because then she just wouldn’t run anymore, and I had to take her home. By the time I got home all my free time was gone, I couldn’t head back out again.

So that’s two failed attempts today, Running. Can we try again tomorrow? Will you still be my friend?

More “Awareness” – Thank You, Pinktober

News flash, ladies.  Where you “like it” isn’t going to do shit for breast cancer awareness. Here’s to another useless facebook meme.

 

PS

Oh, students.  It would behoove you to show up to a lab class.  You know, participation points, the need to have actual data to write a lab report..minor stuff like that.

Dear Students:

Some tips from your favorite instructor:

- Don’t want me to know who you are?  Then don’t be a star or a slacker.  Make yourself a middle-of-the-road student and rest assured, you’re golden.

- If you’re assigned an article critique and choose an article you don’t understand, you have two options: 1) ask for help, 2) choose another article.  Copying sentences verbatim from the article is not one of the acceptable options.

- Don’t skip 24 point assignments!  Please!!

- If ur gonna send me an email, plz mak sure u use real wordz

- If the assignment says to retype the question, just do it.  The directions are there for a reason.  And when you answer the question (after retyping, of course), go back and make sure you answered the whole question.

Love and attention to details,

Grad Student on a Power Trip

October

October has always been my favorite month.  Cool crisp weather lets me wear my all-time favorite clothes (jeans and hoodies) and means it’s time to break out the fleece.  I love the smell of cool, crisp air and falling leaves.  I love the way those leaves crunch under my bike tires on a commute to campus, or under my feet on an easy breezy trail run.  I love how much easier running gets with the drop in temperature.  Getting out my fall and winter clothes is exciting, even though putting away my sandals, shorts, and cute skirts is sad.

Last October was hard for me.  Breast Cancer Awareness month, known in survivor circles as Pinktober, wasn’t really something I expected to have trouble with.  I mean, what did it matter if there were reminders everywhere when I had one big reminder – an infusion needle – in my chest? But oh, it mattered.  The month started out ok but by the end I couldn’t take the pink ribbons everywhere and the (seemingly) false awareness.  Pink ribbons aren’t going to cure breast cancer.  “What color is your bra?” memes aren’t going to cure breast cancer.  I was furious with Shape magazine over the way they portrayed breast cancer risk for women in their 20s.  The take home message was, essentially, that it won’t happen.  The message should have been that it can happen, does happen, and is often overlooked precisely because people think it doesn’t.

But I’m not going to rant about it anymore tonight and hopefully I’m not going to let it ruin my favorite month.  As of 10/23 I’ll be a year out of active treatment.  That’s a BIG DEAL.  I have a lot of hair – the other night I put it in little teeny tiny pigtails.  I’m running again and I’m getting faster – yesterday I ran 12 miles at an 8:55 pace.  I’m insanely busy with school but I’m totally rocking it.

One thing I noticed with the cool weather though.  Last year I got spoiled by wearing hats!  Suddenly my head and the back of my neck are cold and now, if I wear hats, I have to worry about messing up my hair!

Hello, Blogland

Whew.  I’m still around, but it’s been a crazy semester thus far.  As usual, I thought life would calm down once I got through [insert large project/exam] and as usual, it did not.

Oral comps were three weeks ago, now, and I’m still so relieved to have that behind me.  Since then I’ve had a ton of other things to do – some I had neglected leading up to comps and others are new.  Here’s what’s going on with me these days, in bullet form.  Hello 3rd year of the PhD…

Academic:

• We have an open faculty position and I was asked to be the student representative on the search committee.  The deadline is approaching quickly and applications are flying in.  This is going to be an invaluable experience when I start applying for jobs but right now it makes me feel inadequate.  Must remember that this isn’t the job I want….
• Last week I attended a small, specialized conference and gave my first ever oral presentation.  I’ve taught a bunch and given countless presentations within my department, but never to a roomful of researchers who wrote my text books, ran huge studies in the field, and are just rock stars in general.  I’ve never been so shaky and terrified, but I survived and handled questions (from BIG names) well.  Thank goodness that’s over.
• Also at the conference, I spent a lot of social time with people who might be interviewing me in a year.  I think I made a good impression…
• My classes are going well, I think I have a good relationship with my students and they’re learning at least a little.  Midterms are coming up soon so I guess we’ll see.  In any event, I’m becoming more comfortable at the front of that room.
• The paper that was rejected in record time will go back out to another journal this week and I’ve got two analyses that are done and waiting to be written up.
• I’m also going to be starting an analysis of [big national dataset] data that is going to be really really tough but worth it in the end.

Non-academic

• With all that other stuff, running is suffering.  I’m hanging onto my fitness by a thread, slowly watching my half marathon goal time slip away.  We’ll see.  A couple weeks ago I ran 12 miles at a pace that made me very happy and confident…I just hope I still have it.  A bit less than a month to go.
• One more day til Pinktober is with us again.  May I handle it with more grace than I did last year.
• Eleven months worth of hair growth is almost enough to make an actual style.  I might have a baby ponytail by my birthday in January.  Pig tails for sure.
• The boy is good, the dog is good, the house is neglected.  My garden is even more neglected.  I actually forgot about it while I was gone (and for 2 days when I got back).  Woops.

That’s it for now I guess – must get back to work!  I’m going to make an effort to blog a little each week, I do miss this outlet!

Hope all my readers (if I still have any at all!) are doing well…

A PhD Student No Longer…

Now, a PhD Candidate!  I passed!!

Where’s the beer?

Just a Quick Note

To say that I’m still here and survived my written exams.  It’s been a whirlwind, to say the least, taking 5 exams and preparing for the first week of classes.  But the exams are done and the first week is over.  My students haven’t thrown any rotten tomatoes at me (yet) and they haven’t changed the locks on my office door so apparently they’re not throwing me out yet.

Thursday afternoon I sent in the last written exam and that night, exhausted, I skipped my workout, actually cooked dinner (for real! with real ingredients!  that didn’t come out of a box!), watched a movie, and fell asleep on the couch.  Aaaaahhhhhhh.  Heaven.  Then the temperature tanked and as I sit here writing this, it’s 51 degrees out.  That’s my kind of weather.   This morning I ran 3 miles AND spent an hour on the tennis court, hitting against the machine.  I feel like a whole new woman!

Orals are Thursday.  Hopefully after that I’ll get to return to my regularly crazy schedule, instead of this extremely crazy schedule.

Hope everyone is well!

Still Here…

And still taking comps…thus not blogging.  There’s also all that other beginning of the semester stuff – picnics, orientation meeting, syllabus writing, on and on.  And on.

I did take this picture today.  The articles I’ve printed out this summer…for 1 section of my exams and 1 section of my dissertation lit review (which overlapped).

Why Grad School is Bad for the Environment: Exhibit A

And because I just have to share, my awesomely-awesome, fast, and kick-ass new running shoes which instantly dropped a minute off my mile pace.  I shit you not.  Placebo effect?  Maybe.

Cue angels signing:

Zoom Zoom

Don’t they look super fast?!?  Oh, they are.  Look out, 5k PR…I’m coming for you…

Just as soon as I have time to train.